Well I've sorta fallen behind on the blogging...and the meditation...and even, I'm embarrassed to say, the eating got all fuxxed up today to. the only thing on track right now is the work outs. Well, the eating was only today. work has been absolutely nuts the last couple days. I've had a full on spammer attack on one of our servers and it wasnt until today that I figured out how to block the lowest forms of human existence. Here's the irony, they are fucking up the very system by which they feed off of. talk about biting the hand that feeds you. It's a waste of resources, its damaging to many people, both financially and in mere stress alone. And if they continue, they will eventually force all smaller server to shut down out of sheer annoyance and then the only thing that will be left are the large conglomerates who can not only afford to block them, but also afford to chase them. I'd like to start a group of hackers who are talented enough to chase this fuckers down and expose them. So Mentally I've been a little stressed the last 5 days or so.
Emotionally, I'm....hmmm, at the risk of sounding like a broken record, I'm really fucking happy. Even though stressed out a little with work shit, over all I still love what I do. and the atmosphere I do it in, is just great. Here's an example: today, I had 3 meetings, in my sweats and puffy socks, sitting out on the patio in an absolutely perfect day. then to wrap the day up I rode like 8.5 miles of the coolest trails right on the edge of the mountains, with coyotes howling at me and the fresh air and I look up at the mountains and think, "holy shit, I still can't believe I'm here. this is fucking phenomenal!" and I giggle to myself and keep on riding.
Physically - totally rockin. by the 6th week mark I will have the coolest 6 pack I've probably had in a few years, maybe the best since I was wrestling in high school. I wonder if I can have an 8 pack by week 8. hmm. time for a new addition to the dream board. the interesting thing is, its really not that much work at all to do this. the work outs are going even faster now that I have them down, I'm raising the weights finally, seeing results, but its not like I spend a lot of time on this. It really fits so smoothly with the lifestyle. at first it seems like an adjustment, only because its a change in routine. imagine how many people just stay in stupid shit, unhealthy lifestyles, unhappy living arrangements because of such a trivial thing as routine? Its astonishing really.
Spiritually Im on the right path still. and open. and receiving. even though I havent meditated "routinely" like I set out to, I have maintained a pretty constant awareness to that connection. I can only think that a more solid commitment to the meditation will reap more significant rewards.
Tuesday, April 22, 2008
Thursday, April 17, 2008
Day 25
Im feeling sluggish and unmotivated. I was wondering why it was so hard to drag myself out of bed when normally I wake up before the alarm. then I felt the throat thing and I knew I was getting sick.
Work was challenging for a while today as I really just wanted to crawl back into bed. Im struggling with this because I am falling asleep typing. still riding the high from the weekend.
but must go rest.
mentally great
emotionally content
physically ill/weak
spiritually hmmm, no idea.
Work was challenging for a while today as I really just wanted to crawl back into bed. Im struggling with this because I am falling asleep typing. still riding the high from the weekend.
but must go rest.
mentally great
emotionally content
physically ill/weak
spiritually hmmm, no idea.
Tuesday, April 15, 2008
Day 23
So much has been happening that its been hard to find time to blog, although so much cool shit has been happening I should be blogging about it all.
Since last week, I've hung out with incredible friends, driven my truck thru a river in the bottom of Canyon Tseyi, and been fortunate enough to spend an entire afternoon with a full navajo indian woman. Just incredible stuff. I've taken some incredible photography, seen things that just can't possibly be caught on "film" anywhere close to how beautiful they are in real life. I've learned some truly horrifying things about our country's past and how greed has played such a powerful role in this country's closet skeletons.
I've gotten a little off the workout schedule but maintained activities, like hiking and texturing a wall. Oh yeah, something else I learned, how to spray texture on a wall. which might sound simple enough but take a 30 pound bucket of dry wall mud, and hold that up over your head while moving it to spray a ceiling, and then the walls of a room and you will see how quickly that is an arm and shoulder work out.
I totally meant to meditate while on the trip but some how that just didn't work out. I was also kinda looking forward to trying a meditation with someone to see how that felt with the energy. Which Im sure I will have plenty of other chances to try.
I want to get more into the navajo energy. I think I'd like to see if its possible to speak to an elder or shaman. speaking with donna's grandfather would be an amazing experience.
that just reminded me, when I was planning to come here, I said to my mentor that I would really like to speak with some native indians and see what there is for me in that communication. I've had that experience, now I want more, deeper, interactive communication.
work is crazy right now. struggling with focus for it. which tells me Im not really following my bliss.
m = sharp
e = happy
p = great, strong, healthy
s = very connected this weekend...total reattachment to oneness feeling.
I gotta say, the whole attraction thing is working out rather well. things are happening. there really is something to be said about knowing exactly what you want to experience. which I see that as difficult for a lot of people to buck their own belief system, but it truly is very effective. I'll write about more proof of that as I go.
Since last week, I've hung out with incredible friends, driven my truck thru a river in the bottom of Canyon Tseyi, and been fortunate enough to spend an entire afternoon with a full navajo indian woman. Just incredible stuff. I've taken some incredible photography, seen things that just can't possibly be caught on "film" anywhere close to how beautiful they are in real life. I've learned some truly horrifying things about our country's past and how greed has played such a powerful role in this country's closet skeletons.
I've gotten a little off the workout schedule but maintained activities, like hiking and texturing a wall. Oh yeah, something else I learned, how to spray texture on a wall. which might sound simple enough but take a 30 pound bucket of dry wall mud, and hold that up over your head while moving it to spray a ceiling, and then the walls of a room and you will see how quickly that is an arm and shoulder work out.
I totally meant to meditate while on the trip but some how that just didn't work out. I was also kinda looking forward to trying a meditation with someone to see how that felt with the energy. Which Im sure I will have plenty of other chances to try.
I want to get more into the navajo energy. I think I'd like to see if its possible to speak to an elder or shaman. speaking with donna's grandfather would be an amazing experience.
that just reminded me, when I was planning to come here, I said to my mentor that I would really like to speak with some native indians and see what there is for me in that communication. I've had that experience, now I want more, deeper, interactive communication.
work is crazy right now. struggling with focus for it. which tells me Im not really following my bliss.
m = sharp
e = happy
p = great, strong, healthy
s = very connected this weekend...total reattachment to oneness feeling.
I gotta say, the whole attraction thing is working out rather well. things are happening. there really is something to be said about knowing exactly what you want to experience. which I see that as difficult for a lot of people to buck their own belief system, but it truly is very effective. I'll write about more proof of that as I go.
Tuesday, April 8, 2008
Day 16
Im getting a greater connection to music. interesting realization. Im connecting more on an emotional level to certain music. I like it.
Today, woke up late, well, not late for anything in particular just later than I normally do. so the morning routine was basically skipped. planning to meditate tonight if I don't talk on the phone too late.
cardio was great, racquet ball with dad again. I got beat up pretty bad tonight, though. ball to the head, ball to the back, elbow to the neck. still won though, but I have a feeling I'll be kinda bruised up tomorrow. noticing slight changes for the better in the look of the body almost daily. which is really unexpected and quite the motivator. I think I might post my first "afters", which will really be "mids" at the half way point and compare that to the start and then to the end to see the progression
mentally Im kinda scattered. I am finding that I want to be in too many boats still. there is just so much shit I want to do. photographs. paintings. dad's shop. parents yard. plan my house, find a lot, deal with the architecture, build the business, more photography, meet people, business network. I'm like serious ADD here. I even tried Adderall, the adult ADD drug. I got a few from a friend and figured I would try it and see if it helped. Maybe I did have a some trouble that could be crutched with a drug. and normally I would not bother or not want to , I still believe that Ritalin is a waste of time and makes kids worse off and doesnt fix the problem. But I did want to see if something gave me the ability to focus severely like the college cram drug it was popular for. So I'm either SOOO ADD that it didn't even catch me. ro it was a useless drug on me. all I did get, was very awake, just like caffeine, and extremely sweaty, like caffeine only worse. this was actually a couple weeks ago, but its coming to mind now because Im really scattered again. plus I have the most amazing 3 people coming to visit me this weekend and we are going on an adventure and I just want to be on the road already. So my consensus on drugs like that now has verifiable proof in addition to my theory. at least proof on myself. caffeine would be better, and less sweaty.
So I am back to trying to meditate to help me stay focused. I guess. and anything else I learn.
spiritually I am...still on the right path. it feels.
Today, woke up late, well, not late for anything in particular just later than I normally do. so the morning routine was basically skipped. planning to meditate tonight if I don't talk on the phone too late.
cardio was great, racquet ball with dad again. I got beat up pretty bad tonight, though. ball to the head, ball to the back, elbow to the neck. still won though, but I have a feeling I'll be kinda bruised up tomorrow. noticing slight changes for the better in the look of the body almost daily. which is really unexpected and quite the motivator. I think I might post my first "afters", which will really be "mids" at the half way point and compare that to the start and then to the end to see the progression
mentally Im kinda scattered. I am finding that I want to be in too many boats still. there is just so much shit I want to do. photographs. paintings. dad's shop. parents yard. plan my house, find a lot, deal with the architecture, build the business, more photography, meet people, business network. I'm like serious ADD here. I even tried Adderall, the adult ADD drug. I got a few from a friend and figured I would try it and see if it helped. Maybe I did have a some trouble that could be crutched with a drug. and normally I would not bother or not want to , I still believe that Ritalin is a waste of time and makes kids worse off and doesnt fix the problem. But I did want to see if something gave me the ability to focus severely like the college cram drug it was popular for. So I'm either SOOO ADD that it didn't even catch me. ro it was a useless drug on me. all I did get, was very awake, just like caffeine, and extremely sweaty, like caffeine only worse. this was actually a couple weeks ago, but its coming to mind now because Im really scattered again. plus I have the most amazing 3 people coming to visit me this weekend and we are going on an adventure and I just want to be on the road already. So my consensus on drugs like that now has verifiable proof in addition to my theory. at least proof on myself. caffeine would be better, and less sweaty.
So I am back to trying to meditate to help me stay focused. I guess. and anything else I learn.
spiritually I am...still on the right path. it feels.
Monday, April 7, 2008
Day 15
The work outs are going great. physically I'm seeing a difference, feeling a difference... noticing progression. its very encouraging to the the whole thing.
I fought the urge to sleep and extra 30 minutes both days this week and meditated and it was a very good experience. My mind is already sliding right back into it. like riding a bike. I expected that to be harder to reach. Like when I first started.
I haven't even incorporated the creativity program into this. I'm glad I didn't try that yet because that would just be too many things at once. And interestingly enough, one of the focal points in my thought process/meditation anyway was to be more in tune with my creativity. and I have been. Im over whelmed with it actually. I can't even keep up with the ideas.
M = varies between katana sharp and scattered..thoughts about the weekend
E = Happy excited. can't wait for the weekend!!!
P = as an ox... ok a baby ox. but still strong. haven't gained a pound but you can CLEARLY see a difference in my body shape. I wonder if I m gonna be able to put on weight.
S = feels great to be able to notice a change in other people's lives. and that makes me feel connected.
I fought the urge to sleep and extra 30 minutes both days this week and meditated and it was a very good experience. My mind is already sliding right back into it. like riding a bike. I expected that to be harder to reach. Like when I first started.
I haven't even incorporated the creativity program into this. I'm glad I didn't try that yet because that would just be too many things at once. And interestingly enough, one of the focal points in my thought process/meditation anyway was to be more in tune with my creativity. and I have been. Im over whelmed with it actually. I can't even keep up with the ideas.
M = varies between katana sharp and scattered..thoughts about the weekend
E = Happy excited. can't wait for the weekend!!!
P = as an ox... ok a baby ox. but still strong. haven't gained a pound but you can CLEARLY see a difference in my body shape. I wonder if I m gonna be able to put on weight.
S = feels great to be able to notice a change in other people's lives. and that makes me feel connected.
Sunday, April 6, 2008
Day 14
Ok, so week 2 down. how we all doing? Are we all progressing? did you do better than week 1? that's the most important thing.. progression.
So, do I need to extend the week 2 assignment to week 3? seems like I might have to. So I'll reassign the dream boards to accomplish anytime tis week and get started on meditating on them.
I actually struggled with making time for my own assignment. But I did it. and I'll post it here for you to see. As I was doing it, I realized that I think I might be making constant changes to it. which is a good thing, I think. not only will it hopefully show a progression in my attractions and accomplishments, but also a constant thinking of, and being aware of the ideas anyway. The simple act of putting together the board in the first place puts into motion the notion and the attraction of those concepts and ideas. cellular imprinting. (and I don't mean AT&T or Verizon)
Ok so here's my first round. version 1.0.
So that's it. for now. I'm starting out with a few things and going to move on from there. a few material things I want and the rest is conceptual sort of mindset stuff.
So with that, I intend to make a stronger effort this week to stick to the plan religiously.
So check in:
M = scattered...but hoaning in on a few boats. =)
E = Happy.
P = healthy. strong. sore.
S = connect-ING. its in progress. again... making progression.
progression is good.
Tonight on my way home from a ride "down by the river" (said in chris farley voice) I saw the most amazing cloud formation. in fact, this cloud thing happens a lot here. its almost as if the clouds are worshiping the sun, or bowign to it in some way in thanks for the day. I grabbed a picture of it with my phone camera and it came out surprisingly well.
Here is what it looks like.
I wonder what that looked like from that plane's view up there.
anyway. here's to another week. hope you all are feeling 'progressive.' =)
So, do I need to extend the week 2 assignment to week 3? seems like I might have to. So I'll reassign the dream boards to accomplish anytime tis week and get started on meditating on them.
I actually struggled with making time for my own assignment. But I did it. and I'll post it here for you to see. As I was doing it, I realized that I think I might be making constant changes to it. which is a good thing, I think. not only will it hopefully show a progression in my attractions and accomplishments, but also a constant thinking of, and being aware of the ideas anyway. The simple act of putting together the board in the first place puts into motion the notion and the attraction of those concepts and ideas. cellular imprinting. (and I don't mean AT&T or Verizon)
Ok so here's my first round. version 1.0.
So that's it. for now. I'm starting out with a few things and going to move on from there. a few material things I want and the rest is conceptual sort of mindset stuff.
So with that, I intend to make a stronger effort this week to stick to the plan religiously.
So check in:
M = scattered...but hoaning in on a few boats. =)
E = Happy.
P = healthy. strong. sore.
S = connect-ING. its in progress. again... making progression.
progression is good.
Tonight on my way home from a ride "down by the river" (said in chris farley voice) I saw the most amazing cloud formation. in fact, this cloud thing happens a lot here. its almost as if the clouds are worshiping the sun, or bowign to it in some way in thanks for the day. I grabbed a picture of it with my phone camera and it came out surprisingly well.
Here is what it looks like.
I wonder what that looked like from that plane's view up there.
anyway. here's to another week. hope you all are feeling 'progressive.' =)
Saturday, April 5, 2008
Day 13
M = Sharp, clear
E = Elated,
P = great.. incredibly sore and tired though. but great
S = connected
Today went snowboarding in Taos with my dad. had a great time with him, had a great time boarding. being in nature. amazing nature. It's just so beautiful and fund and exciting. Today was like being "in the zone" for most of the day.
I'll be posting my visual dream board tomorrow. I hope to see all of yours. =)
E = Elated,
P = great.. incredibly sore and tired though. but great
S = connected
Today went snowboarding in Taos with my dad. had a great time with him, had a great time boarding. being in nature. amazing nature. It's just so beautiful and fund and exciting. Today was like being "in the zone" for most of the day.
I'll be posting my visual dream board tomorrow. I hope to see all of yours. =)
Day 12
M = sharp
E = happy
p = GREAT! strong.. energized
S = still orbiting. feel connected, though.
meditation has jumped to a new level in just one day. yesterday and today were great. the mind silenced, and then I got great ideas.. then silenced again. and it was really cool.
E = happy
p = GREAT! strong.. energized
S = still orbiting. feel connected, though.
meditation has jumped to a new level in just one day. yesterday and today were great. the mind silenced, and then I got great ideas.. then silenced again. and it was really cool.
Wednesday, April 2, 2008
Day 10 (somewhere in week 2)
Holy shit I haven't blogged in 3 days. Bad, Bad.
So first the check in. my check ins will be longer today cuz I'm just gonna post right in the fuckers.
M = distracted and pissed about it. I was sharp and then today I got this totally random call from an ex ex ex ex ex girlfriend's new ex boyfriend/baby's daddy, now apparently new boyfriend or some stupid shit. Anyway after a very strange first minute or two until I figured out who he was and who this chic was that he was threatening to kill me if I went near, I quickly decided that I best not say what I was thinking since I was actually in the shop putting up drywall with my father. although looking back on it, I shouldn't have bothered to censor myself and just let it rip. I know the guy is a moron and clearly not a threat, he doesn't even have a clue where I am, which he admitted. Funnier still is I don't even have a clue where Tish is. So he's barking these idol threats at me to stay away from her and I haven't seen her in years.
But as funny as I think this poor fuck is, my inner napoleon is screaming to let me let him out. He's kinda rambunctious since he hasn't been let out in a while and I guess he just wanted to let loose on this 45 year old ghetto wannabe Ganster. So distracted, yes. because in every peaceful moment since that call, my brain kicks into conversational scenarios where I get to respond, which is retarded since I can't really let it out. I tried calling back when I got to my car in private, but of course, no answer. So now, I have no idea why, but its like my psyche wants to just let lose on the dude. which honestly , I know, is... well would be wasted breathe if I hoped to actually make any progress with him as far as understanding, or communication, but I don't. I just want to belittle the stupid fuck so he thinks about it for at least a week. I know that's not very "Zen" of me. I guess it was an interesting mirror today of how quickly I could be tweaked even in the midst of all my beautiful balance. It reminds me of a conversation I had with an art teacher in college when he was telling us how closely we all walk to the line of sanity. He looked at all of us and said, "next time you see and look down on that person pushing the shopping cart arguing with the air, just remember, you are one conversation... one circumstance.. one thin line away from pushing that cart. " that may be true, but I still don't feel bad for the bum that I fed and clothed and thne the fuck ended up breaking into my house and stealing my car. he was just another crack rock away from sanity.
(yeah that was only mental. you might as well stop reading now, or take this opportunity to go pee)
E = Happy, actually, (aside from that little turmoil) I'm still actually pretty damn happy. I feel love & loved. in such a way that not even a stupid obnoxious NY wanna be gansta can interfere with my happy state.
P = strong. I can't wait to work out each day, I can't wait for the racquetball games, I can't wait for the next bike ride. the next snowboard run. How lucky I am to be so physically active when at one point I wasn't supposed to walk again. Someone asked me once why I opt to take the stairs so much when there are elevators. I responded with, "because I CAN" - im not sure how long these legs are gonna hold up on me, but I intend to get every last step/pedal/kick/jump out of them that I can. Then Im gonna need to get one of those downhill mountain bike wheel chair things.
S = I've definitely honed in on the right planet now. I'm orbiting around enlightenment. I don't necessarily feel like I'm 100% connected, although I know I am, I can't be any other way, I am connection, it sometimes feels like the sheet of separation is pulled over me in the room of connection. Im still in the room, I just can't see past my blinder sheet. But Im walking around in that room, and I can feel the walls, I am aware of the room. I just haven't completely remembered how to pull the sheet off.
Mediations are going mediocre. I was really flying the other day when the ex wife popped in the head out of the blue and even hearing and releasing I just couldn't move past it, so I got up and just went about my day which of course did help get it out of my head. I suspect tomorrow I might have another voice.. maybe my shitty memory will actually benefit me this time and I'll forget I even got that call. ha ha man, that'd be nice.
So first the check in. my check ins will be longer today cuz I'm just gonna post right in the fuckers.
M = distracted and pissed about it. I was sharp and then today I got this totally random call from an ex ex ex ex ex girlfriend's new ex boyfriend/baby's daddy, now apparently new boyfriend or some stupid shit. Anyway after a very strange first minute or two until I figured out who he was and who this chic was that he was threatening to kill me if I went near, I quickly decided that I best not say what I was thinking since I was actually in the shop putting up drywall with my father. although looking back on it, I shouldn't have bothered to censor myself and just let it rip. I know the guy is a moron and clearly not a threat, he doesn't even have a clue where I am, which he admitted. Funnier still is I don't even have a clue where Tish is. So he's barking these idol threats at me to stay away from her and I haven't seen her in years.
But as funny as I think this poor fuck is, my inner napoleon is screaming to let me let him out. He's kinda rambunctious since he hasn't been let out in a while and I guess he just wanted to let loose on this 45 year old ghetto wannabe Ganster. So distracted, yes. because in every peaceful moment since that call, my brain kicks into conversational scenarios where I get to respond, which is retarded since I can't really let it out. I tried calling back when I got to my car in private, but of course, no answer. So now, I have no idea why, but its like my psyche wants to just let lose on the dude. which honestly , I know, is... well would be wasted breathe if I hoped to actually make any progress with him as far as understanding, or communication, but I don't. I just want to belittle the stupid fuck so he thinks about it for at least a week. I know that's not very "Zen" of me. I guess it was an interesting mirror today of how quickly I could be tweaked even in the midst of all my beautiful balance. It reminds me of a conversation I had with an art teacher in college when he was telling us how closely we all walk to the line of sanity. He looked at all of us and said, "next time you see and look down on that person pushing the shopping cart arguing with the air, just remember, you are one conversation... one circumstance.. one thin line away from pushing that cart. " that may be true, but I still don't feel bad for the bum that I fed and clothed and thne the fuck ended up breaking into my house and stealing my car. he was just another crack rock away from sanity.
(yeah that was only mental. you might as well stop reading now, or take this opportunity to go pee)
E = Happy, actually, (aside from that little turmoil) I'm still actually pretty damn happy. I feel love & loved. in such a way that not even a stupid obnoxious NY wanna be gansta can interfere with my happy state.
P = strong. I can't wait to work out each day, I can't wait for the racquetball games, I can't wait for the next bike ride. the next snowboard run. How lucky I am to be so physically active when at one point I wasn't supposed to walk again. Someone asked me once why I opt to take the stairs so much when there are elevators. I responded with, "because I CAN" - im not sure how long these legs are gonna hold up on me, but I intend to get every last step/pedal/kick/jump out of them that I can. Then Im gonna need to get one of those downhill mountain bike wheel chair things.
S = I've definitely honed in on the right planet now. I'm orbiting around enlightenment. I don't necessarily feel like I'm 100% connected, although I know I am, I can't be any other way, I am connection, it sometimes feels like the sheet of separation is pulled over me in the room of connection. Im still in the room, I just can't see past my blinder sheet. But Im walking around in that room, and I can feel the walls, I am aware of the room. I just haven't completely remembered how to pull the sheet off.
Mediations are going mediocre. I was really flying the other day when the ex wife popped in the head out of the blue and even hearing and releasing I just couldn't move past it, so I got up and just went about my day which of course did help get it out of my head. I suspect tomorrow I might have another voice.. maybe my shitty memory will actually benefit me this time and I'll forget I even got that call. ha ha man, that'd be nice.
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