Day 16

Im getting a greater connection to music. interesting realization. Im connecting more on an emotional level to certain music. I like it.

Today, woke up late, well, not late for anything in particular just later than I normally do. so the morning routine was basically skipped. planning to meditate tonight if I don't talk on the phone too late.

cardio was great, racquet ball with dad again. I got beat up pretty bad tonight, though. ball to the head, ball to the back, elbow to the neck. still won though, but I have a feeling I'll be kinda bruised up tomorrow. noticing slight changes for the better in the look of the body almost daily. which is really unexpected and quite the motivator. I think I might post my first "afters", which will really be "mids" at the half way point and compare that to the start and then to the end to see the progression

mentally Im kinda scattered. I am finding that I want to be in too many boats still. there is just so much shit I want to do. photographs. paintings. dad's shop. parents yard. plan my house, find a lot, deal with the architecture, build the business, more photography, meet people, business network. I'm like serious ADD here. I even tried Adderall, the adult ADD drug. I got a few from a friend and figured I would try it and see if it helped. Maybe I did have a some trouble that could be crutched with a drug. and normally I would not bother or not want to , I still believe that Ritalin is a waste of time and makes kids worse off and doesnt fix the problem. But I did want to see if something gave me the ability to focus severely like the college cram drug it was popular for. So I'm either SOOO ADD that it didn't even catch me. ro it was a useless drug on me. all I did get, was very awake, just like caffeine, and extremely sweaty, like caffeine only worse. this was actually a couple weeks ago, but its coming to mind now because Im really scattered again. plus I have the most amazing 3 people coming to visit me this weekend and we are going on an adventure and I just want to be on the road already. So my consensus on drugs like that now has verifiable proof in addition to my theory. at least proof on myself. caffeine would be better, and less sweaty.

So I am back to trying to meditate to help me stay focused. I guess. and anything else I learn.

spiritually I am...still on the right path. it feels.