It feels to get back into the gym routine again after being sick and out of it. Yesterday I did the 50 mile diabetes bicycle ride. that was awesome. raised a lot of money, did much better than I expected to do after being so sick the week before. It was a lot of fun. I'll have a separate blog with my results on that for the people who donated to check how I did.
mentally Im scattered. I have so much going on, so much to do, still feel like Im chasing the 8 ball to catch up from being sick. but I'm getting there. staying focused now is challenging. planning is gone out the window for the most part, and that's part of the focus problem. another area I need to get back on track.
I feel like all areas of my life are slightly off track right now. I can see the right track, I just need to jump over to it. sounds easy enough. but apparently its a farther jump than it looks.
emotionally I am happy. happy to be healthy again. happy about what I am accomplishing. happy about my relationship... happy about all my relationships actually. love , family, friend.. work.
spiritually also , well nto disconnected actually, I feel connected but in a blurry sort of way. connected like Im no longer battling up stream, but its more of a passive connection rather than intentional, if that makes any sense.
Tuesday, June 3, 2008
Wednesday, May 28, 2008
May 28th day 66
Back to working out as normal. Frustrated that I have slipped backwards as far as I did. then illness took a greater toll on my physical shape than I anticipated. So, I just have to work a little harder to get back on track.
have the big 50 mile ride in a few days. so trying to get back on track with working out, but at the same time, not overdo anything because I don't want to do a 50 miler with sore muscles to start. I'm sure I'll be sore enough the following day.
Very busy day. Im exhausted.
M = drained
E = happy
P = tired
S = I'll get back to that later. total back burner right now. ironic isn't it?
have the big 50 mile ride in a few days. so trying to get back on track with working out, but at the same time, not overdo anything because I don't want to do a 50 miler with sore muscles to start. I'm sure I'll be sore enough the following day.
Very busy day. Im exhausted.
M = drained
E = happy
P = tired
S = I'll get back to that later. total back burner right now. ironic isn't it?
Tuesday, May 27, 2008
27 May 2008 - Day 65 - Im back.
Ok. Im back on track. Gonna keep this short. but here's the cliff notes version.
went to florida for one week. only worked out once while there but got plenty of riding in so kept active. Eating was moderately in check, but not great. then went to indiana for a week. worked out once. and did a fair amount of manual labor type work moving brother, etc. ran pretty ragged, not good sleep or eating for that week.
the following week. tuesday, I picked up the nastiest virus I've ever had. Fairly certain I was nailed with viral spiral meningitis with a bad case of strep throat on top of that. went to doc, got misdiagnosed with pneumonia, then got really bad, and the Zpak they prescribed made life a livign hell for about 4 days. finally went back to hospital, tons more tests, got penicillin, and two days later started to get a break in the 105 degree fevers. that basically knocked me out of commission until this Saturday. I've never been so sick in all my life.
Over the weekend still took things slowly. Still got physically tired pretty quickly. Monday started feeling more physically back to normal. Did the mountain bike ride down the mountain, which was a little demanding physically, but not much. A good warm up to get back into the routine.
Tonight I rode 20 miles on the road bike. Felt GREAT! so good to be back in the routine. I still plan to continue the 12 week thing to the end, then I'll probably carry on a couple more weeks to get the full 12 out of the program. Then I'll always continue to work out but I will probably change it up a little to get a more noticeable result.
Looking forward to getting back on track with the meditation, and morning core exercises.
Oh yeah, this weekend, Im still planning to do the 50 mile diabetes ride. After today's 20 miler, Im convinced that I will be fine for the 50 mile race, even after being so sick, I think being in as good of shape as I was in totally helped me recuperate and is what is allowing me the ability to hop right back on the bike and do a ride like that with out having to restart training all over again.
Plus the ride is a benefit ride and I've raised a decent amount of cash, so there is just no way I'm letting a diversion of a nasty virus get in my way. minor hurdle. no big deal.
Out of the 4 test subjects on the transformation program. only one remains strong. well, remains period, but she's not just remaining, she is hanging in there so strong, an inspiration to me, actually. I should be inspiring her, and I think the tables have switched at times and I find myself being inspired by her. So even though the other 3 dropped off, I am just ecstatic that this one has done so well with everything.
M = overwhelmed. trying to catch back up
E = Happy, very happy.
P = So much better. I feel wonderful. It's good to be healthy
S = hmmm, no friggin idea.
went to florida for one week. only worked out once while there but got plenty of riding in so kept active. Eating was moderately in check, but not great. then went to indiana for a week. worked out once. and did a fair amount of manual labor type work moving brother, etc. ran pretty ragged, not good sleep or eating for that week.
the following week. tuesday, I picked up the nastiest virus I've ever had. Fairly certain I was nailed with viral spiral meningitis with a bad case of strep throat on top of that. went to doc, got misdiagnosed with pneumonia, then got really bad, and the Zpak they prescribed made life a livign hell for about 4 days. finally went back to hospital, tons more tests, got penicillin, and two days later started to get a break in the 105 degree fevers. that basically knocked me out of commission until this Saturday. I've never been so sick in all my life.
Over the weekend still took things slowly. Still got physically tired pretty quickly. Monday started feeling more physically back to normal. Did the mountain bike ride down the mountain, which was a little demanding physically, but not much. A good warm up to get back into the routine.
Tonight I rode 20 miles on the road bike. Felt GREAT! so good to be back in the routine. I still plan to continue the 12 week thing to the end, then I'll probably carry on a couple more weeks to get the full 12 out of the program. Then I'll always continue to work out but I will probably change it up a little to get a more noticeable result.
Looking forward to getting back on track with the meditation, and morning core exercises.
Oh yeah, this weekend, Im still planning to do the 50 mile diabetes ride. After today's 20 miler, Im convinced that I will be fine for the 50 mile race, even after being so sick, I think being in as good of shape as I was in totally helped me recuperate and is what is allowing me the ability to hop right back on the bike and do a ride like that with out having to restart training all over again.
Plus the ride is a benefit ride and I've raised a decent amount of cash, so there is just no way I'm letting a diversion of a nasty virus get in my way. minor hurdle. no big deal.
Out of the 4 test subjects on the transformation program. only one remains strong. well, remains period, but she's not just remaining, she is hanging in there so strong, an inspiration to me, actually. I should be inspiring her, and I think the tables have switched at times and I find myself being inspired by her. So even though the other 3 dropped off, I am just ecstatic that this one has done so well with everything.
M = overwhelmed. trying to catch back up
E = Happy, very happy.
P = So much better. I feel wonderful. It's good to be healthy
S = hmmm, no friggin idea.
Tuesday, April 22, 2008
Day 30 - 6 is for 6 pack
Well I've sorta fallen behind on the blogging...and the meditation...and even, I'm embarrassed to say, the eating got all fuxxed up today to. the only thing on track right now is the work outs. Well, the eating was only today. work has been absolutely nuts the last couple days. I've had a full on spammer attack on one of our servers and it wasnt until today that I figured out how to block the lowest forms of human existence. Here's the irony, they are fucking up the very system by which they feed off of. talk about biting the hand that feeds you. It's a waste of resources, its damaging to many people, both financially and in mere stress alone. And if they continue, they will eventually force all smaller server to shut down out of sheer annoyance and then the only thing that will be left are the large conglomerates who can not only afford to block them, but also afford to chase them. I'd like to start a group of hackers who are talented enough to chase this fuckers down and expose them. So Mentally I've been a little stressed the last 5 days or so.
Emotionally, I'm....hmmm, at the risk of sounding like a broken record, I'm really fucking happy. Even though stressed out a little with work shit, over all I still love what I do. and the atmosphere I do it in, is just great. Here's an example: today, I had 3 meetings, in my sweats and puffy socks, sitting out on the patio in an absolutely perfect day. then to wrap the day up I rode like 8.5 miles of the coolest trails right on the edge of the mountains, with coyotes howling at me and the fresh air and I look up at the mountains and think, "holy shit, I still can't believe I'm here. this is fucking phenomenal!" and I giggle to myself and keep on riding.
Physically - totally rockin. by the 6th week mark I will have the coolest 6 pack I've probably had in a few years, maybe the best since I was wrestling in high school. I wonder if I can have an 8 pack by week 8. hmm. time for a new addition to the dream board. the interesting thing is, its really not that much work at all to do this. the work outs are going even faster now that I have them down, I'm raising the weights finally, seeing results, but its not like I spend a lot of time on this. It really fits so smoothly with the lifestyle. at first it seems like an adjustment, only because its a change in routine. imagine how many people just stay in stupid shit, unhealthy lifestyles, unhappy living arrangements because of such a trivial thing as routine? Its astonishing really.
Spiritually Im on the right path still. and open. and receiving. even though I havent meditated "routinely" like I set out to, I have maintained a pretty constant awareness to that connection. I can only think that a more solid commitment to the meditation will reap more significant rewards.
Emotionally, I'm....hmmm, at the risk of sounding like a broken record, I'm really fucking happy. Even though stressed out a little with work shit, over all I still love what I do. and the atmosphere I do it in, is just great. Here's an example: today, I had 3 meetings, in my sweats and puffy socks, sitting out on the patio in an absolutely perfect day. then to wrap the day up I rode like 8.5 miles of the coolest trails right on the edge of the mountains, with coyotes howling at me and the fresh air and I look up at the mountains and think, "holy shit, I still can't believe I'm here. this is fucking phenomenal!" and I giggle to myself and keep on riding.
Physically - totally rockin. by the 6th week mark I will have the coolest 6 pack I've probably had in a few years, maybe the best since I was wrestling in high school. I wonder if I can have an 8 pack by week 8. hmm. time for a new addition to the dream board. the interesting thing is, its really not that much work at all to do this. the work outs are going even faster now that I have them down, I'm raising the weights finally, seeing results, but its not like I spend a lot of time on this. It really fits so smoothly with the lifestyle. at first it seems like an adjustment, only because its a change in routine. imagine how many people just stay in stupid shit, unhealthy lifestyles, unhappy living arrangements because of such a trivial thing as routine? Its astonishing really.
Spiritually Im on the right path still. and open. and receiving. even though I havent meditated "routinely" like I set out to, I have maintained a pretty constant awareness to that connection. I can only think that a more solid commitment to the meditation will reap more significant rewards.
Thursday, April 17, 2008
Day 25
Im feeling sluggish and unmotivated. I was wondering why it was so hard to drag myself out of bed when normally I wake up before the alarm. then I felt the throat thing and I knew I was getting sick.
Work was challenging for a while today as I really just wanted to crawl back into bed. Im struggling with this because I am falling asleep typing. still riding the high from the weekend.
but must go rest.
mentally great
emotionally content
physically ill/weak
spiritually hmmm, no idea.
Work was challenging for a while today as I really just wanted to crawl back into bed. Im struggling with this because I am falling asleep typing. still riding the high from the weekend.
but must go rest.
mentally great
emotionally content
physically ill/weak
spiritually hmmm, no idea.
Tuesday, April 15, 2008
Day 23
So much has been happening that its been hard to find time to blog, although so much cool shit has been happening I should be blogging about it all.
Since last week, I've hung out with incredible friends, driven my truck thru a river in the bottom of Canyon Tseyi, and been fortunate enough to spend an entire afternoon with a full navajo indian woman. Just incredible stuff. I've taken some incredible photography, seen things that just can't possibly be caught on "film" anywhere close to how beautiful they are in real life. I've learned some truly horrifying things about our country's past and how greed has played such a powerful role in this country's closet skeletons.
I've gotten a little off the workout schedule but maintained activities, like hiking and texturing a wall. Oh yeah, something else I learned, how to spray texture on a wall. which might sound simple enough but take a 30 pound bucket of dry wall mud, and hold that up over your head while moving it to spray a ceiling, and then the walls of a room and you will see how quickly that is an arm and shoulder work out.
I totally meant to meditate while on the trip but some how that just didn't work out. I was also kinda looking forward to trying a meditation with someone to see how that felt with the energy. Which Im sure I will have plenty of other chances to try.
I want to get more into the navajo energy. I think I'd like to see if its possible to speak to an elder or shaman. speaking with donna's grandfather would be an amazing experience.
that just reminded me, when I was planning to come here, I said to my mentor that I would really like to speak with some native indians and see what there is for me in that communication. I've had that experience, now I want more, deeper, interactive communication.
work is crazy right now. struggling with focus for it. which tells me Im not really following my bliss.
m = sharp
e = happy
p = great, strong, healthy
s = very connected this weekend...total reattachment to oneness feeling.
I gotta say, the whole attraction thing is working out rather well. things are happening. there really is something to be said about knowing exactly what you want to experience. which I see that as difficult for a lot of people to buck their own belief system, but it truly is very effective. I'll write about more proof of that as I go.
Since last week, I've hung out with incredible friends, driven my truck thru a river in the bottom of Canyon Tseyi, and been fortunate enough to spend an entire afternoon with a full navajo indian woman. Just incredible stuff. I've taken some incredible photography, seen things that just can't possibly be caught on "film" anywhere close to how beautiful they are in real life. I've learned some truly horrifying things about our country's past and how greed has played such a powerful role in this country's closet skeletons.
I've gotten a little off the workout schedule but maintained activities, like hiking and texturing a wall. Oh yeah, something else I learned, how to spray texture on a wall. which might sound simple enough but take a 30 pound bucket of dry wall mud, and hold that up over your head while moving it to spray a ceiling, and then the walls of a room and you will see how quickly that is an arm and shoulder work out.
I totally meant to meditate while on the trip but some how that just didn't work out. I was also kinda looking forward to trying a meditation with someone to see how that felt with the energy. Which Im sure I will have plenty of other chances to try.
I want to get more into the navajo energy. I think I'd like to see if its possible to speak to an elder or shaman. speaking with donna's grandfather would be an amazing experience.
that just reminded me, when I was planning to come here, I said to my mentor that I would really like to speak with some native indians and see what there is for me in that communication. I've had that experience, now I want more, deeper, interactive communication.
work is crazy right now. struggling with focus for it. which tells me Im not really following my bliss.
m = sharp
e = happy
p = great, strong, healthy
s = very connected this weekend...total reattachment to oneness feeling.
I gotta say, the whole attraction thing is working out rather well. things are happening. there really is something to be said about knowing exactly what you want to experience. which I see that as difficult for a lot of people to buck their own belief system, but it truly is very effective. I'll write about more proof of that as I go.
Tuesday, April 8, 2008
Day 16
Im getting a greater connection to music. interesting realization. Im connecting more on an emotional level to certain music. I like it.
Today, woke up late, well, not late for anything in particular just later than I normally do. so the morning routine was basically skipped. planning to meditate tonight if I don't talk on the phone too late.
cardio was great, racquet ball with dad again. I got beat up pretty bad tonight, though. ball to the head, ball to the back, elbow to the neck. still won though, but I have a feeling I'll be kinda bruised up tomorrow. noticing slight changes for the better in the look of the body almost daily. which is really unexpected and quite the motivator. I think I might post my first "afters", which will really be "mids" at the half way point and compare that to the start and then to the end to see the progression
mentally Im kinda scattered. I am finding that I want to be in too many boats still. there is just so much shit I want to do. photographs. paintings. dad's shop. parents yard. plan my house, find a lot, deal with the architecture, build the business, more photography, meet people, business network. I'm like serious ADD here. I even tried Adderall, the adult ADD drug. I got a few from a friend and figured I would try it and see if it helped. Maybe I did have a some trouble that could be crutched with a drug. and normally I would not bother or not want to , I still believe that Ritalin is a waste of time and makes kids worse off and doesnt fix the problem. But I did want to see if something gave me the ability to focus severely like the college cram drug it was popular for. So I'm either SOOO ADD that it didn't even catch me. ro it was a useless drug on me. all I did get, was very awake, just like caffeine, and extremely sweaty, like caffeine only worse. this was actually a couple weeks ago, but its coming to mind now because Im really scattered again. plus I have the most amazing 3 people coming to visit me this weekend and we are going on an adventure and I just want to be on the road already. So my consensus on drugs like that now has verifiable proof in addition to my theory. at least proof on myself. caffeine would be better, and less sweaty.
So I am back to trying to meditate to help me stay focused. I guess. and anything else I learn.
spiritually I am...still on the right path. it feels.
Today, woke up late, well, not late for anything in particular just later than I normally do. so the morning routine was basically skipped. planning to meditate tonight if I don't talk on the phone too late.
cardio was great, racquet ball with dad again. I got beat up pretty bad tonight, though. ball to the head, ball to the back, elbow to the neck. still won though, but I have a feeling I'll be kinda bruised up tomorrow. noticing slight changes for the better in the look of the body almost daily. which is really unexpected and quite the motivator. I think I might post my first "afters", which will really be "mids" at the half way point and compare that to the start and then to the end to see the progression
mentally Im kinda scattered. I am finding that I want to be in too many boats still. there is just so much shit I want to do. photographs. paintings. dad's shop. parents yard. plan my house, find a lot, deal with the architecture, build the business, more photography, meet people, business network. I'm like serious ADD here. I even tried Adderall, the adult ADD drug. I got a few from a friend and figured I would try it and see if it helped. Maybe I did have a some trouble that could be crutched with a drug. and normally I would not bother or not want to , I still believe that Ritalin is a waste of time and makes kids worse off and doesnt fix the problem. But I did want to see if something gave me the ability to focus severely like the college cram drug it was popular for. So I'm either SOOO ADD that it didn't even catch me. ro it was a useless drug on me. all I did get, was very awake, just like caffeine, and extremely sweaty, like caffeine only worse. this was actually a couple weeks ago, but its coming to mind now because Im really scattered again. plus I have the most amazing 3 people coming to visit me this weekend and we are going on an adventure and I just want to be on the road already. So my consensus on drugs like that now has verifiable proof in addition to my theory. at least proof on myself. caffeine would be better, and less sweaty.
So I am back to trying to meditate to help me stay focused. I guess. and anything else I learn.
spiritually I am...still on the right path. it feels.
Monday, April 7, 2008
Day 15
The work outs are going great. physically I'm seeing a difference, feeling a difference... noticing progression. its very encouraging to the the whole thing.
I fought the urge to sleep and extra 30 minutes both days this week and meditated and it was a very good experience. My mind is already sliding right back into it. like riding a bike. I expected that to be harder to reach. Like when I first started.
I haven't even incorporated the creativity program into this. I'm glad I didn't try that yet because that would just be too many things at once. And interestingly enough, one of the focal points in my thought process/meditation anyway was to be more in tune with my creativity. and I have been. Im over whelmed with it actually. I can't even keep up with the ideas.
M = varies between katana sharp and scattered..thoughts about the weekend
E = Happy excited. can't wait for the weekend!!!
P = as an ox... ok a baby ox. but still strong. haven't gained a pound but you can CLEARLY see a difference in my body shape. I wonder if I m gonna be able to put on weight.
S = feels great to be able to notice a change in other people's lives. and that makes me feel connected.
I fought the urge to sleep and extra 30 minutes both days this week and meditated and it was a very good experience. My mind is already sliding right back into it. like riding a bike. I expected that to be harder to reach. Like when I first started.
I haven't even incorporated the creativity program into this. I'm glad I didn't try that yet because that would just be too many things at once. And interestingly enough, one of the focal points in my thought process/meditation anyway was to be more in tune with my creativity. and I have been. Im over whelmed with it actually. I can't even keep up with the ideas.
M = varies between katana sharp and scattered..thoughts about the weekend
E = Happy excited. can't wait for the weekend!!!
P = as an ox... ok a baby ox. but still strong. haven't gained a pound but you can CLEARLY see a difference in my body shape. I wonder if I m gonna be able to put on weight.
S = feels great to be able to notice a change in other people's lives. and that makes me feel connected.
Sunday, April 6, 2008
Day 14
Ok, so week 2 down. how we all doing? Are we all progressing? did you do better than week 1? that's the most important thing.. progression.
So, do I need to extend the week 2 assignment to week 3? seems like I might have to. So I'll reassign the dream boards to accomplish anytime tis week and get started on meditating on them.
I actually struggled with making time for my own assignment. But I did it. and I'll post it here for you to see. As I was doing it, I realized that I think I might be making constant changes to it. which is a good thing, I think. not only will it hopefully show a progression in my attractions and accomplishments, but also a constant thinking of, and being aware of the ideas anyway. The simple act of putting together the board in the first place puts into motion the notion and the attraction of those concepts and ideas. cellular imprinting. (and I don't mean AT&T or Verizon)
Ok so here's my first round. version 1.0.
So that's it. for now. I'm starting out with a few things and going to move on from there. a few material things I want and the rest is conceptual sort of mindset stuff.
So with that, I intend to make a stronger effort this week to stick to the plan religiously.
So check in:
M = scattered...but hoaning in on a few boats. =)
E = Happy.
P = healthy. strong. sore.
S = connect-ING. its in progress. again... making progression.
progression is good.
Tonight on my way home from a ride "down by the river" (said in chris farley voice) I saw the most amazing cloud formation. in fact, this cloud thing happens a lot here. its almost as if the clouds are worshiping the sun, or bowign to it in some way in thanks for the day. I grabbed a picture of it with my phone camera and it came out surprisingly well.
Here is what it looks like.
I wonder what that looked like from that plane's view up there.
anyway. here's to another week. hope you all are feeling 'progressive.' =)
So, do I need to extend the week 2 assignment to week 3? seems like I might have to. So I'll reassign the dream boards to accomplish anytime tis week and get started on meditating on them.
I actually struggled with making time for my own assignment. But I did it. and I'll post it here for you to see. As I was doing it, I realized that I think I might be making constant changes to it. which is a good thing, I think. not only will it hopefully show a progression in my attractions and accomplishments, but also a constant thinking of, and being aware of the ideas anyway. The simple act of putting together the board in the first place puts into motion the notion and the attraction of those concepts and ideas. cellular imprinting. (and I don't mean AT&T or Verizon)
Ok so here's my first round. version 1.0.
So that's it. for now. I'm starting out with a few things and going to move on from there. a few material things I want and the rest is conceptual sort of mindset stuff.
So with that, I intend to make a stronger effort this week to stick to the plan religiously.
So check in:
M = scattered...but hoaning in on a few boats. =)
E = Happy.
P = healthy. strong. sore.
S = connect-ING. its in progress. again... making progression.
progression is good.
Tonight on my way home from a ride "down by the river" (said in chris farley voice) I saw the most amazing cloud formation. in fact, this cloud thing happens a lot here. its almost as if the clouds are worshiping the sun, or bowign to it in some way in thanks for the day. I grabbed a picture of it with my phone camera and it came out surprisingly well.
Here is what it looks like.
I wonder what that looked like from that plane's view up there.
anyway. here's to another week. hope you all are feeling 'progressive.' =)
Saturday, April 5, 2008
Day 13
M = Sharp, clear
E = Elated,
P = great.. incredibly sore and tired though. but great
S = connected
Today went snowboarding in Taos with my dad. had a great time with him, had a great time boarding. being in nature. amazing nature. It's just so beautiful and fund and exciting. Today was like being "in the zone" for most of the day.
I'll be posting my visual dream board tomorrow. I hope to see all of yours. =)
E = Elated,
P = great.. incredibly sore and tired though. but great
S = connected
Today went snowboarding in Taos with my dad. had a great time with him, had a great time boarding. being in nature. amazing nature. It's just so beautiful and fund and exciting. Today was like being "in the zone" for most of the day.
I'll be posting my visual dream board tomorrow. I hope to see all of yours. =)
Day 12
M = sharp
E = happy
p = GREAT! strong.. energized
S = still orbiting. feel connected, though.
meditation has jumped to a new level in just one day. yesterday and today were great. the mind silenced, and then I got great ideas.. then silenced again. and it was really cool.
E = happy
p = GREAT! strong.. energized
S = still orbiting. feel connected, though.
meditation has jumped to a new level in just one day. yesterday and today were great. the mind silenced, and then I got great ideas.. then silenced again. and it was really cool.
Wednesday, April 2, 2008
Day 10 (somewhere in week 2)
Holy shit I haven't blogged in 3 days. Bad, Bad.
So first the check in. my check ins will be longer today cuz I'm just gonna post right in the fuckers.
M = distracted and pissed about it. I was sharp and then today I got this totally random call from an ex ex ex ex ex girlfriend's new ex boyfriend/baby's daddy, now apparently new boyfriend or some stupid shit. Anyway after a very strange first minute or two until I figured out who he was and who this chic was that he was threatening to kill me if I went near, I quickly decided that I best not say what I was thinking since I was actually in the shop putting up drywall with my father. although looking back on it, I shouldn't have bothered to censor myself and just let it rip. I know the guy is a moron and clearly not a threat, he doesn't even have a clue where I am, which he admitted. Funnier still is I don't even have a clue where Tish is. So he's barking these idol threats at me to stay away from her and I haven't seen her in years.
But as funny as I think this poor fuck is, my inner napoleon is screaming to let me let him out. He's kinda rambunctious since he hasn't been let out in a while and I guess he just wanted to let loose on this 45 year old ghetto wannabe Ganster. So distracted, yes. because in every peaceful moment since that call, my brain kicks into conversational scenarios where I get to respond, which is retarded since I can't really let it out. I tried calling back when I got to my car in private, but of course, no answer. So now, I have no idea why, but its like my psyche wants to just let lose on the dude. which honestly , I know, is... well would be wasted breathe if I hoped to actually make any progress with him as far as understanding, or communication, but I don't. I just want to belittle the stupid fuck so he thinks about it for at least a week. I know that's not very "Zen" of me. I guess it was an interesting mirror today of how quickly I could be tweaked even in the midst of all my beautiful balance. It reminds me of a conversation I had with an art teacher in college when he was telling us how closely we all walk to the line of sanity. He looked at all of us and said, "next time you see and look down on that person pushing the shopping cart arguing with the air, just remember, you are one conversation... one circumstance.. one thin line away from pushing that cart. " that may be true, but I still don't feel bad for the bum that I fed and clothed and thne the fuck ended up breaking into my house and stealing my car. he was just another crack rock away from sanity.
(yeah that was only mental. you might as well stop reading now, or take this opportunity to go pee)
E = Happy, actually, (aside from that little turmoil) I'm still actually pretty damn happy. I feel love & loved. in such a way that not even a stupid obnoxious NY wanna be gansta can interfere with my happy state.
P = strong. I can't wait to work out each day, I can't wait for the racquetball games, I can't wait for the next bike ride. the next snowboard run. How lucky I am to be so physically active when at one point I wasn't supposed to walk again. Someone asked me once why I opt to take the stairs so much when there are elevators. I responded with, "because I CAN" - im not sure how long these legs are gonna hold up on me, but I intend to get every last step/pedal/kick/jump out of them that I can. Then Im gonna need to get one of those downhill mountain bike wheel chair things.
S = I've definitely honed in on the right planet now. I'm orbiting around enlightenment. I don't necessarily feel like I'm 100% connected, although I know I am, I can't be any other way, I am connection, it sometimes feels like the sheet of separation is pulled over me in the room of connection. Im still in the room, I just can't see past my blinder sheet. But Im walking around in that room, and I can feel the walls, I am aware of the room. I just haven't completely remembered how to pull the sheet off.
Mediations are going mediocre. I was really flying the other day when the ex wife popped in the head out of the blue and even hearing and releasing I just couldn't move past it, so I got up and just went about my day which of course did help get it out of my head. I suspect tomorrow I might have another voice.. maybe my shitty memory will actually benefit me this time and I'll forget I even got that call. ha ha man, that'd be nice.
So first the check in. my check ins will be longer today cuz I'm just gonna post right in the fuckers.
M = distracted and pissed about it. I was sharp and then today I got this totally random call from an ex ex ex ex ex girlfriend's new ex boyfriend/baby's daddy, now apparently new boyfriend or some stupid shit. Anyway after a very strange first minute or two until I figured out who he was and who this chic was that he was threatening to kill me if I went near, I quickly decided that I best not say what I was thinking since I was actually in the shop putting up drywall with my father. although looking back on it, I shouldn't have bothered to censor myself and just let it rip. I know the guy is a moron and clearly not a threat, he doesn't even have a clue where I am, which he admitted. Funnier still is I don't even have a clue where Tish is. So he's barking these idol threats at me to stay away from her and I haven't seen her in years.
But as funny as I think this poor fuck is, my inner napoleon is screaming to let me let him out. He's kinda rambunctious since he hasn't been let out in a while and I guess he just wanted to let loose on this 45 year old ghetto wannabe Ganster. So distracted, yes. because in every peaceful moment since that call, my brain kicks into conversational scenarios where I get to respond, which is retarded since I can't really let it out. I tried calling back when I got to my car in private, but of course, no answer. So now, I have no idea why, but its like my psyche wants to just let lose on the dude. which honestly , I know, is... well would be wasted breathe if I hoped to actually make any progress with him as far as understanding, or communication, but I don't. I just want to belittle the stupid fuck so he thinks about it for at least a week. I know that's not very "Zen" of me. I guess it was an interesting mirror today of how quickly I could be tweaked even in the midst of all my beautiful balance. It reminds me of a conversation I had with an art teacher in college when he was telling us how closely we all walk to the line of sanity. He looked at all of us and said, "next time you see and look down on that person pushing the shopping cart arguing with the air, just remember, you are one conversation... one circumstance.. one thin line away from pushing that cart. " that may be true, but I still don't feel bad for the bum that I fed and clothed and thne the fuck ended up breaking into my house and stealing my car. he was just another crack rock away from sanity.
(yeah that was only mental. you might as well stop reading now, or take this opportunity to go pee)
E = Happy, actually, (aside from that little turmoil) I'm still actually pretty damn happy. I feel love & loved. in such a way that not even a stupid obnoxious NY wanna be gansta can interfere with my happy state.
P = strong. I can't wait to work out each day, I can't wait for the racquetball games, I can't wait for the next bike ride. the next snowboard run. How lucky I am to be so physically active when at one point I wasn't supposed to walk again. Someone asked me once why I opt to take the stairs so much when there are elevators. I responded with, "because I CAN" - im not sure how long these legs are gonna hold up on me, but I intend to get every last step/pedal/kick/jump out of them that I can. Then Im gonna need to get one of those downhill mountain bike wheel chair things.
S = I've definitely honed in on the right planet now. I'm orbiting around enlightenment. I don't necessarily feel like I'm 100% connected, although I know I am, I can't be any other way, I am connection, it sometimes feels like the sheet of separation is pulled over me in the room of connection. Im still in the room, I just can't see past my blinder sheet. But Im walking around in that room, and I can feel the walls, I am aware of the room. I just haven't completely remembered how to pull the sheet off.
Mediations are going mediocre. I was really flying the other day when the ex wife popped in the head out of the blue and even hearing and releasing I just couldn't move past it, so I got up and just went about my day which of course did help get it out of my head. I suspect tomorrow I might have another voice.. maybe my shitty memory will actually benefit me this time and I'll forget I even got that call. ha ha man, that'd be nice.
Sunday, March 30, 2008
Week 1 Day 5-6
Well week one seemed to go pretty well. the girls are kickin ass and one of the guys has gotten much more involved, which is awesome. hopefully the next week will suck in the other guy to get rolling.
Im really enjoying reading the blogs and getting the inside view at how everyone is feeling during the process. It let's me know what stages people are at. I didn't expect this to be a cake walk, by any means. Change isn't easy, especially for most people. But it is always a good thing once you get through the turbulence of the internal resistance.
I think it helps when you can see and feel change quickly, which of course takes some dedication to committing to the whole thing. But I've already noticed a difference in my body in only the first week. Which is incredibly encouraging. If I make this kind of change on a weekly basis I will be very happy with the end result. I'm wondering where or if I will plateau on this program. Im thinking that the changing of the exercises will help fight that plateau thing. We'll see.
The food is surprisingly amazing. I'm eating better, more tasteful food than before, and I ate pretty decently before as far as a healthy diet. This cookbook has certainly opened the door to some magnificent meal experiences. If you guys all read this blog and haven't gotten this cookbook yet, I very much encourage you to get it and try out the meals. they are ridiculously easy to make and are amazingly tasty.
I'm also really enjoying this program, I find a lot of motivation for myself to check in on everyone, to plan the next things, to learn more so I have more to share. I haven't been this motivated and focused in a while. this is definitely a good boat to start rowing in. (even if I have to tow some other boats behind me)
that's a reference to my fingerprint life purpose session where the woman told me that I have too many boats. And I spend my time jumping from one boat to the next and eventually I'll need to choose a boat and stay in it and start rowing, and only then will I be able to get somewhere. It's an interesting analogy and I think about it each time I start on something else. ha ha!
I'm noticing that sleep is going to be an integral part of this program. Saturday night I got so exhausted that I was passed out by 10:30pm, which for me is unheard of. Asleep, early on a Saturday night? Dave? No way. And I think the whole week of moving fast and doing all the work for this and NOT really paying attention to proper sleep cycles just caught up to me. that's going to be interesting trying to work in enough sleep into my already chaotic schedule.
I am having a difficult time with the meditation. I expected that though and I really do believe it will help. I suspect that is a difficult thing for all of us. I wonder if the guys will have more trouble than the girls with that, too. I know I'm having more trouble quieting the panel than the girls seem to be. isn't it interesting, though, that the most difficult part of this for me is the part where I do..literally, nothing. NOTHING is the hardest part. How ironic is that?
ok quick check in:
M= Sharp
E = Happy
P = Strong (and a little sore)
S = I'm definitely flowing in the right direction
Life is so different here. I feel more alive and more invigorated to be alive than I have in along time. I loved the partying with my friends, and I don't just mean the party favors, I mean the hanging out with friends and laughing and connecting with them that I did in florida. And I wouldn't trade that for anything. its the kind of thing you get after you have some really god friends for a long time. When I first moved out here I thought I would meet a lot of people right away and I was looking forward to making new friends. I am meeting people and I've met some cool friends, but at the same time, I am finding that I am really digging my time alone. Im really connecting to myself, to nature. I think that connection to spirit is well timed and something I needed to do. I find myself turning down offers to hang out with people to go do my own thing, whether its ride my bike in the mountains, or go snow boarding, or just go exploring in the FJ. I'm LOVING my own company. (although, I really do miss my partner in crime back in FL, I think about that a lot)
Anyway, Im gonna get back to my next weeks agenda here.
Im really enjoying reading the blogs and getting the inside view at how everyone is feeling during the process. It let's me know what stages people are at. I didn't expect this to be a cake walk, by any means. Change isn't easy, especially for most people. But it is always a good thing once you get through the turbulence of the internal resistance.
I think it helps when you can see and feel change quickly, which of course takes some dedication to committing to the whole thing. But I've already noticed a difference in my body in only the first week. Which is incredibly encouraging. If I make this kind of change on a weekly basis I will be very happy with the end result. I'm wondering where or if I will plateau on this program. Im thinking that the changing of the exercises will help fight that plateau thing. We'll see.
The food is surprisingly amazing. I'm eating better, more tasteful food than before, and I ate pretty decently before as far as a healthy diet. This cookbook has certainly opened the door to some magnificent meal experiences. If you guys all read this blog and haven't gotten this cookbook yet, I very much encourage you to get it and try out the meals. they are ridiculously easy to make and are amazingly tasty.
I'm also really enjoying this program, I find a lot of motivation for myself to check in on everyone, to plan the next things, to learn more so I have more to share. I haven't been this motivated and focused in a while. this is definitely a good boat to start rowing in. (even if I have to tow some other boats behind me)
that's a reference to my fingerprint life purpose session where the woman told me that I have too many boats. And I spend my time jumping from one boat to the next and eventually I'll need to choose a boat and stay in it and start rowing, and only then will I be able to get somewhere. It's an interesting analogy and I think about it each time I start on something else. ha ha!
I'm noticing that sleep is going to be an integral part of this program. Saturday night I got so exhausted that I was passed out by 10:30pm, which for me is unheard of. Asleep, early on a Saturday night? Dave? No way. And I think the whole week of moving fast and doing all the work for this and NOT really paying attention to proper sleep cycles just caught up to me. that's going to be interesting trying to work in enough sleep into my already chaotic schedule.
I am having a difficult time with the meditation. I expected that though and I really do believe it will help. I suspect that is a difficult thing for all of us. I wonder if the guys will have more trouble than the girls with that, too. I know I'm having more trouble quieting the panel than the girls seem to be. isn't it interesting, though, that the most difficult part of this for me is the part where I do..literally, nothing. NOTHING is the hardest part. How ironic is that?
ok quick check in:
M= Sharp
E = Happy
P = Strong (and a little sore)
S = I'm definitely flowing in the right direction
Life is so different here. I feel more alive and more invigorated to be alive than I have in along time. I loved the partying with my friends, and I don't just mean the party favors, I mean the hanging out with friends and laughing and connecting with them that I did in florida. And I wouldn't trade that for anything. its the kind of thing you get after you have some really god friends for a long time. When I first moved out here I thought I would meet a lot of people right away and I was looking forward to making new friends. I am meeting people and I've met some cool friends, but at the same time, I am finding that I am really digging my time alone. Im really connecting to myself, to nature. I think that connection to spirit is well timed and something I needed to do. I find myself turning down offers to hang out with people to go do my own thing, whether its ride my bike in the mountains, or go snow boarding, or just go exploring in the FJ. I'm LOVING my own company. (although, I really do miss my partner in crime back in FL, I think about that a lot)
Anyway, Im gonna get back to my next weeks agenda here.
Thursday, March 27, 2008
Week 1 Day 4
quick check in tonight.
totally slacked this morning. no meditation, no core exercises. was up late last night and hit snooze one too many times.
the critic voice and the motivator were beating me up for that as soon as I got moving. interesting that the motivator don't say much that early though. he's still sleeping until I get up and walk around. then once I do, he'd all, "yo, critic, give him some shit, please!"
I played racquetball again today , man I love that sport, we just have so much fun. And its great that I am getting my dad active and moving a lot. he's in pretty damn good shape for a 61 year old. he definitely keeps me runnin.
everyone seems to be rolling pretty well. the guys are starting to jump on board now a little better. women still kickin ass.
over all a great day considering I started out a slacker. =) I reeled it back in.
totally slacked this morning. no meditation, no core exercises. was up late last night and hit snooze one too many times.
the critic voice and the motivator were beating me up for that as soon as I got moving. interesting that the motivator don't say much that early though. he's still sleeping until I get up and walk around. then once I do, he'd all, "yo, critic, give him some shit, please!"
I played racquetball again today , man I love that sport, we just have so much fun. And its great that I am getting my dad active and moving a lot. he's in pretty damn good shape for a 61 year old. he definitely keeps me runnin.
everyone seems to be rolling pretty well. the guys are starting to jump on board now a little better. women still kickin ass.
over all a great day considering I started out a slacker. =) I reeled it back in.
Tuesday, March 25, 2008
Week 1 Day2
Im gonna keep this one short.
personal stuff: feel great, meditation this morning was difficult, I think my back was sore from the previous night work out and made it difficult to sit still. but for a bit, my mind was quiet, and that was nice.
Mentally Im good. staying relatively focused during the day. I see and feel an improvement.
Physically Im tired.. but a good tired. 4 games of racquetball in an hour. that was some serious cardio. boy do i love that game.
Emotionally..Im really happy. I am consistently happy. I've always been a happy person but lately I've just been enjoying the hell out of life.
Spiritually this one is hard to describe. I feel connected. I feel as though Im flowing more yet kind of in the dark. as if Im "on to something".
I LOVE seeing this group go through this. I love their excitements, I love their frustrations and fears. there is something wonderful about this. Im glad I finally did something about it.
ok thats it for today, Im bushed.
personal stuff: feel great, meditation this morning was difficult, I think my back was sore from the previous night work out and made it difficult to sit still. but for a bit, my mind was quiet, and that was nice.
Mentally Im good. staying relatively focused during the day. I see and feel an improvement.
Physically Im tired.. but a good tired. 4 games of racquetball in an hour. that was some serious cardio. boy do i love that game.
Emotionally..Im really happy. I am consistently happy. I've always been a happy person but lately I've just been enjoying the hell out of life.
Spiritually this one is hard to describe. I feel connected. I feel as though Im flowing more yet kind of in the dark. as if Im "on to something".
I LOVE seeing this group go through this. I love their excitements, I love their frustrations and fears. there is something wonderful about this. Im glad I finally did something about it.
ok thats it for today, Im bushed.
Monday, March 24, 2008
week 1 day 1
So I've been teetering on the edge of something... I wont say something great, but definitely something leading to greatness. and I don't mean for myself, I mean for "us". whoever us seems to be. whoever "us" joins in this path.
I have been accumulating data, tools, insight, & experience for a few years now. My Mentor had a lot to do with guiding my way and I am grateful for that. In the last year especially I have attracted to myself, or otherwise been lucky enough to have things fall into place and in some way, I feel, steer me to this purpose...or this path.
And it all sorta came together at the World wellness Conference In Albuquerque a few weeks ago. And then with a little work I realized I actually do have enough material to put together a program that I think can change peoples lives.
So with the cooperation and commitment of some good friends, I have launched the first round of the 12 week transformation program. I really gotta get a better name. I think that's one of the things I should meditate on.
The program encompasses the mind, body and spirit and the strengthening of each. Growth. Change. Awareness.
Im not sure where this can go, but an infectious epidemic would be fantastic. And helping anywhere from 1 person to epidemic proportions would be "werth" the trip. It's already changing me and I have only just begun. I expect this will have incredible results and I predict that they will likely be nothing like what I expected. well, hopefully a little bit. I'm really sorta counting on bigger biceps and pecs and a nice solid 6 pack again. =)
It was a great first day. the girls are kicking ass. the guys are either slackin' or busy and not full committed yet. even though they SAY they are committed, this is a prime example of say what you mean and mean what you say... and do what you say.
My guinea pig test subjects for round 1 are a nice group. 2 guys, 2 girls, and me.
All of us needing some changes in our lives right now so its a great group of people to hammer out the kinks with. Id' already decided on a few changes.
for example (and Im writing this down for myself so I don't forget) the excel chart to track the daily work out is awesome. except it really doesn't need to have the columns for planning and actual. I plan y work out before I go on the chart I print out. and then I only need to record the actual when I get back. Anymore than that is too much work and not really useful. I do understand where the whole planning and actual concept came from, and I think that's something that is helpful for people are are not completely committed. or reluctant to move. I think that may be where the going from knowing to doing might help make that bridge.
I don't think the "reluctant dieters" will be part of the groups that this program attracts. that said, we'll see what happens with the dudes here and find out. maybe we will need to keep some of that in. ha ha . or maybe just more instruction on how to plan before you work out.
I think a lot of people need to plan meals. I've already incorporated that whole life style into my food choices daily so everything I make is in line. but I am noticing a benefit to planning what I want to eat all day in just saving time.
So my quick check in for the day.
woke up great, meditation was scattered as expected, but nice. ate well. work out was awesome. and now I'm blogging. which is fantastic.
I'll be introducing a few new layers at the end of the week. I just want to keep it easy for people to get into first. I think ti might be a tad overwhelming for the guys at first. the girls seem to be cool with it. we'll see what happens but I think I might have some incredible success stories out of the girls. I hope the same fro the guys. that will be a challenge for me to keep them motivated.
I have been accumulating data, tools, insight, & experience for a few years now. My Mentor had a lot to do with guiding my way and I am grateful for that. In the last year especially I have attracted to myself, or otherwise been lucky enough to have things fall into place and in some way, I feel, steer me to this purpose...or this path.
And it all sorta came together at the World wellness Conference In Albuquerque a few weeks ago. And then with a little work I realized I actually do have enough material to put together a program that I think can change peoples lives.
So with the cooperation and commitment of some good friends, I have launched the first round of the 12 week transformation program. I really gotta get a better name. I think that's one of the things I should meditate on.
The program encompasses the mind, body and spirit and the strengthening of each. Growth. Change. Awareness.
Im not sure where this can go, but an infectious epidemic would be fantastic. And helping anywhere from 1 person to epidemic proportions would be "werth" the trip. It's already changing me and I have only just begun. I expect this will have incredible results and I predict that they will likely be nothing like what I expected. well, hopefully a little bit. I'm really sorta counting on bigger biceps and pecs and a nice solid 6 pack again. =)
It was a great first day. the girls are kicking ass. the guys are either slackin' or busy and not full committed yet. even though they SAY they are committed, this is a prime example of say what you mean and mean what you say... and do what you say.
My guinea pig test subjects for round 1 are a nice group. 2 guys, 2 girls, and me.
All of us needing some changes in our lives right now so its a great group of people to hammer out the kinks with. Id' already decided on a few changes.
for example (and Im writing this down for myself so I don't forget) the excel chart to track the daily work out is awesome. except it really doesn't need to have the columns for planning and actual. I plan y work out before I go on the chart I print out. and then I only need to record the actual when I get back. Anymore than that is too much work and not really useful. I do understand where the whole planning and actual concept came from, and I think that's something that is helpful for people are are not completely committed. or reluctant to move. I think that may be where the going from knowing to doing might help make that bridge.
I don't think the "reluctant dieters" will be part of the groups that this program attracts. that said, we'll see what happens with the dudes here and find out. maybe we will need to keep some of that in. ha ha . or maybe just more instruction on how to plan before you work out.
I think a lot of people need to plan meals. I've already incorporated that whole life style into my food choices daily so everything I make is in line. but I am noticing a benefit to planning what I want to eat all day in just saving time.
So my quick check in for the day.
woke up great, meditation was scattered as expected, but nice. ate well. work out was awesome. and now I'm blogging. which is fantastic.
I'll be introducing a few new layers at the end of the week. I just want to keep it easy for people to get into first. I think ti might be a tad overwhelming for the guys at first. the girls seem to be cool with it. we'll see what happens but I think I might have some incredible success stories out of the girls. I hope the same fro the guys. that will be a challenge for me to keep them motivated.
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)
